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Patrick Star vs. Peter Griffin
PS vs PG.png|Shakaboy "Jeez, How Stupid are You?" Patrick Star vs. Peter Griffin is a What-If? Death Battle. It features Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants and Peter Griffin from Family Guy. Description Two protagonists turned antagonists fight it out to see who is the best of the worst! Intro (Cue DEATH BATTLE! Theme - Invader) ' ''Wiz: There are a lot of people in this world that are...lacking intelligence. Why, just look at my co-host. '''Boomstick: Now see, I would kick your ass if I didn't have my fingers stuck in this damn finger trap. Wiz: Right...anyway, these two combatants today are incredibly dumb. '' '''Boomstick: And to make it even better, it's almost impossible to kill them!' Wiz: Patrick Star, tubby friend to Spongebob Squarepants. '' '''Boomstick: And Peter Griffin, the head of the Family Guy household. ' Wiz: Before we start, we have to notice that Patrick is the size of a normal starfish. In order to make this fair, we shall make him the same size as Griffin. Boomstick: Yeah, that's for the best. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick! Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a Death Battle. Patrick Star (Cue SpongeBob SquarePants Production Music - The Rake Hornpipe) ''' '''Boomstick: Bikini Bott-how the hell did they get away with that? Wiz: It's home to many, many creatures, but one of them stands above the rest as the local idiot. Patrick Star. Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument? (Cue SpongeBob SquarePants Production Music - Tripping Upstairs) ''' '''Boomstick: Man, is this guy a waste of space. All he does is eat, sleep, and-wait no, all he does is eat and sleep. Wiz: He's so lazy, in fact, that he once won an award for the laziest creature in Bikini Bottom. Now, the strange thing about Patrick is that sometimes he's not a complete moron. He's passed community college and when asked how smart he was, it said it varies. Boomstick: But who the hell needs intelligence when you've got strength on your side? Wiz: Well, actually, brains is sometimes bet-'' '''Boomstick: SHUT UP, WEAKLING!' Boomstick punches Wiz. Wiz: Ow, what the hell? Boomstick: I'm asserting my dominance, Wiz. Don't take it personally. (Cue The Spongebob Movie music (GameCube) - Combat Arena) Wiz: Well, like Boomstick said before he started to be a dick, Patrick is incredibly powerful. Powerful enough to lift entire buildings with ease and harm Spongebob who can tank town-level explosions! Boomstick: He can even tear a damn road apart with his bare hands! Man, this is making me regret eating that starfish at the beach. I hope this guy's not out to kick my ass. Wiz: Wha-what? Boomstick: The less you know, the less you need to worry about. Wiz: Uh, ok. Anyway, Patrick's also been shown to lift entire boulders with complete ease, especially impressive when you compare them to Patrick himself. Also he can crush solid steel with his...bottom. Boomstick: Man, I thought anime was weird. Sure they've got a universe-destroying cat god, but we've got a pink starfish that can crush steel with his ass. Wiz: Then there's all his special moves such as the Star Spin, which reflects projectiles, the Ground Smash, and his Grappling Tongue, which is exactly what it sounds like. Boomstick: That's it, I'm kinkshaming. Wiz: He's also a master of karate, to the point where a single chop from him can cut televisions, ships, and entire buildings in half! Boomstick: Holy...what? How the hell is this possible? Wiz: He's also a master of stealth and can fly because...cartoons? And he's also got some weapons because why not. Boomstick: Patrick can make anything out of sand, whether it be castles, tanks, or even friggin' mechas! And e wields a giant jar of mayo and is able to throw it overhead with extreme ease. Wiz: Given the size of an average jar of mayo is 15 ounces, this means that Patrick can lift at least twice his weight. '' '''Boomstick: Pretty strong for someone who doesn't have any bones.' Wiz: He's also got pickles and exploding pies cause they have those underwater apparently. Ugh, this makes no logical sense. The water pressure must be insane, rendering the pies to be soggy and useless, this makes no damn sense! Boomstick: Um...are you questioning a cartoon? Wiz: ...Good Lord, what's wrong with me? Boomstick: We've been asking this for years. (Cue Leedle Leedle Lee Trap Remix) ''' '''Boomstick: Anyway, Patrick is one hell of a powerhouse, but there's one thing that's even more impressive than his strength. HIs durability! Wiz: Patrick can seemingly bounce back from just about anything with no injuries or pain whatsoever. Like that time he survived without a brain. Boomstick: Or that time where he ate 1000 Krabby Patties! Damn, he reminds me of my ex-wife. Except not as fa-''' ''Wiz: Comparing that to a real life burger, in this instance a Big Mac, Patrick had to consume 563,000 calories! That's over 208 times a human being can consume! '' '''Boomstick: But what makes Patrick's durability so much more impressive is his regeneration. Dude's been reduced to ashes, puddles, had his head ripped off, been cut in half, and so much more only to come back still laughing like a dumbass. Wiz: To make it even better, if he does get chopped in half, he can actually split into two other Patricks, and the number can just keep multiplying to the point where there's an insurmountable count of him! Boomstick: Man, what's next? Does he have a "super form" or something? If he did, that would be stu-''' Wiz: Why as a matter of fact, he does! Three actually! '''Boomstick: ...Wha? (Cue Spongebob: Battle for Bikini Bottom music - Slide) ' ''Wiz: Yes, believe it or not, Patrick has three superhero alternate forms. One is called...Mr. Superawesomeness. '''Boomstick: Um, ok? Wiz: In this form, his stats are boosted with unlimited stamina and he can also control...ice cream? Boomstick: What a delicious superpower. Sure could save money on that rather than going to expensive-ass Coldstone. ' ''Wiz: The second one is the Elastic Waistband. '''Boomstick: Ha! It's funny cause he's fat. Well, this can grant him stretching powers and the final one is StarfishMan. Wiz: This grants Star boosted stats, the power to manipulate wind, and the power of flight...which he already had. Boomstick: Well, despite being a huge dumbass, Patrick isn't completely useless. Feats: *Kept up with Spongebob **Spongebob moves at supersonic speeds *Tanked being incinerated, chopped into multiple pieces, set on fire, etc. *Shown as the physically strongest character in Spongebob *Tanked falling off a cliff *Literally broke his bikini bottom *Overpowered a robot *Chopped a store in half Wiz: As previously mentioned, he's chopped entire buildings in half, overpowered robots, and regenerated from ashes. So while he is impressive...he sure as hell isn't perfect. Weaknesses: *Really dumb *Inconsistent *Can't control his karate powers *Scared of spiders and perfume Boomstick: The dude is hard as hell to pinpoint in terms of actual stats, and not to mention, he's barely smarter than the rock he lives under. Wiz: Still, there's a reason why Patrick Star is the powerhouse of Bikini Bottom. '' '' "You guys talk funny! Say more words!" Peter Griffin Wiz: Picture this scenario. A bland housewife, a loser son, the talking animal, the mischievous baby, the bullied daughter, and the oafish father. Boomstick: Mix all that together and you got the recipe for almost every animated sitcom ever. Wiz: But no show with that formula is just as famous as Family Guy. Boomstick: And at the head of the household is none other than Peter Griffin. Peter: When you poop in your dreams...you poop for real! Boomstick: That family is screwed. (Cue Family Guy Theme Song) Wiz: Born as an illegal immigrant in Mexico to Mickey McFinnigan and Thelma Griffin, Peter was raised in an ultra Catholic home by his stepfather, Francis Griffin for most of his young life. Boomstick: Then he went out, got himself a job as a towel boy, banged some rich chick, and now they have a family. ' ''Wiz: Well, that was brief. '''Boomstick: Your mom is brief. Wiz: ...Wha-'' '''Boomstick: Wiz, we're entering the land of Family Guy. Nothing makes sense here.' (Family Guy The Video Game Soundtrack - Stroll Down Spooner Street) ' ''Wiz: Well, Peter's gone on many sorts of his adventures with his friends and family, and along the way, he picked up some new tricks. '''Boomstick: Like beating the everlasting shit outta people! Man, he has to be related to Conor McGregor or something, because this guy can fight! Wiz: His most notable fights are those against Ernie, a Giant Chicken because...he gave him an expired coupon? Boomstick: Told ya nothing here makes sense. The fights he has with the chicken are usually completely random, yet Peter comes out of the fights with minor injuries, which is pretty damn impressive. Wiz: One reason why Griffin's comes out relatively unscathed is due to his impressive regeneration. Like that one time where he got his hand cut off, only for it to regrow and become an evil twin. Boomstick: Cartoons! Wiz: He's also extremely powerful Category:Shakaboy Category:What-If? 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